chchchchanges....

So basically, I'm still alive though everything has changed.

.I no longer have my own place. In August, my landlord told me the house (and the other 10 she owns) would be auctioned on sept 29. I hate 9/29 already, as it is the anniversary of my stepdads death. It would have been easy to find a new place, however....

.I quit my job with my dad on august 1st. I still cannot decide if it was a mistake or a good decision. I was jobless from that day until October 1st.

.I now work at a dollar store for lower pay, more hours & shittier coworkers. I'm 2nd in command but still hate it. I have an interview to manage a local Goodwill on Friday. About double the pay, so I have high hopes.

.I am in love. In may, we started texting. In June we hung out a few times, in July we hooked up. In august he moved in. He's been the bright spot on a lot of horrible days but he makes me feel beautiful, more beautiful than anyone ever has & he gets me.

.After a fiasco with a slumlord & water being shut off 2 weeks after moving in, we are at my moms. In the extra room. Ruca is at my aunts, our cats (yes!!!) Are with a friend.

.this has been hard & I've cried a loooot, but I'm getting bavk on track. My parents have both helped me out a lot & have faith in me that I'll get it figured out.

.I've also decided I want a baby within 2 years. Having my nephew with us everyday has been a huge factor, ntm my love is amazing with kids. I never ever thought anything or anyone would change me in that aspect, but it was done. ... :)


I miss you all. I wanna say congrats again to Camille & Shane!!! I'll try to stay updated & I'll try to reacquaint myself with everyone's blogs.

Xoxo

Been A Long Time;

Yeaah, it has been quite a minute. The dashboard/new post still doesn't look like I want it to, but I guess you have to adapt to change sometimes, right?! haha.

Life has really been intense up and down lately, well hell, I feel like my past year has been complete chaos, but I still am trying to smile and be merry no matter what happens.

I finally have a room mate, well my little cousin, she's moving in next week, and I loooove it! We have completely changed the house around, and it finally feels like it's right for me. I've been struggling so badly, financially, but other than that, life has been good. My cable/internet is shut off at home, and I decided I'm not going to worry about turning it back on. I think my cell phone may be next. I just am sick of paying crazy amounts of money for things that I really don't need or use that often. I feel like the more things I get rid of, the more relaxed I am. I have a HUGE pile ready for Goodwill and/or friends to go through it, and I have been adding more everyday.

I had a huge health scare for the past few weeks. Two weeks ago, I went to the doctor because my throat had been hurting and I had lost my voice off/on for three weeks. Since I have no insurance, I was just treating it as a head cold ~ taking OTC cold/sinus medicine, popping cough drops and trying to rest (hahaha). The doctor looked at my throat, prescribed anti-b's and cough medicine, then asked if anyone had ever tested me for thyroid disease. My heart dropped and I said no, why? She said I was so swollen that she was surpised I can even swallow without pain. And honestly, I have never had a problem swallowing or anything else, but I do cough a lot and when I cough, my throat throbs. Soooo, she scheduled me for an ultrasound, which the hospital couldn't do for an entire week. So I waited and waited and spent lots of time Googling and trying to see what matched up with thyroid disease and my life.

Unfortunately, almost every symptom matched with what I have had going on the past few months. At this point, I'm down 2 pants sizes/30+ pounds. I thought it was just stress from the break up and being broke. I can't sleep at night, usually 3-4 hours, very interrupted sleep. I have lots of headaches. Achy joints. The list goes on... So basically I was freaking out, thinking I have hyperthyroidism and am going to be screwed for the rest of my life. Finaaaallly had the ultrasound and the woman took a bunch more pictures of one side than the other, so I was even more nervous, then had 4 more days to wait for results.

Thursday while I was at lunch, I got the phone call and started shaking. She gave me GOOD news though! Well, better than what I was afraid of. I have a pretty large cyst on the left side, but as long as I don't drop much more weight or start losing hair or have any crazy symptoms pop up, I should be fine. She said no bloodwork was needed at this time and that I should just continue my regular lifestyle (which has gotten considerably healthier since I don't cook dinner everytnight lol).

I've been lining up vending like a mad woman this summer! I have big fests for the next 3 weekends, and I am trying SO hard to build my inventory and keep it high. I've been selling out of things super fast, so I can't complain. It might be time to add someone else's work, but I really really just don't trust anyone. I'm gonna see how these next few weeks go, and go from there. I have a vending partner for 2 of the shows, she makes beautiful clothing, and our stuff goes together extremely well! Looking forward to the weekends, for sure!!!!

The dating scene is so not for me! That is all I can say about that. I have tried with a few different guys and it's just the same drama everytime. I thought going for someone older than me would be a good idea, well that was just worse. I am just done trying and hopefully things will fall into place as they are supposed to. In the meantime, I spend every spare second with my friends and they are all such beautiful people and make me smile so much, there's nothing missing from my life, that is for sure! J and I have been so up and down, I decided it was time to just never talk to him unless I had to. It's been 2 weeks since that decision, the longest I've actually stuck with it, and I feel extremely happier. So I will continue that. I guess sometimes, even after 6 years (maybe especially after 6 years?), you just can't be friends. It just doesn't work. And I've finally accepted that part of my life is closed, chapter complete. The next one is already more exciting.

It's been so long I feel like I could just keep typing! Does anyone even still read this?

Hate It

I am one of those people who doesn't embrace change well, especially technological change. So eff the new Dashboard & Reader.... I'm taking a break.

So Shall I...

Maybe elaborate on yesterday's jumbled up confusing post?!

Things aren't necessarily bad right now, just moving in full-speed ahead mode! I feel like something happens and I don't even have time to process it before something else that I should be processing happens! I'm working myself to the bone in order to pay my bills and keep a roof over my head. I keep contemplating a room mate but then I tell myself why things won't work, I don't wanna ruin friendships, so then I just give up and go back to square one. Nothing is bad, by any means, just fast paced and I feel like I'm living on fast forward everyday!








There's a new boy. I wasn't looking, but I found him, and he's amazing. I guess I forgot what it was like to be with someone who actually wants to be with me. And all those things J had been saying, well, this guy says them too, and I believe him. I guess he's shown me that not everything that I thought I had was actually there. Taking things extremely slow because I'm breaking just about every rule I have on him.. but it just feels right. I'll keep the progress updated!








Friday morning, I leave for Philly. I'm excited/nervous/stoked about the first real music event of the year. Funds have been drastically cut & I haven't been able to figure things out with Camille, Camille babayyy if you're out there ~ email me back! I think we might not be able to sight see like we wanted to, but I'd like to at least do lunch! The weekend is going to be a whirlwind for me, leave for Philly early Friday, have the concert, back to hotel to pass out, then decide if I am sight seeing for free or just hitting the 8+ hour drive back home. I have a show I'm vending Sunday, which is for one of my favorite national acts, so I'm stoked on that! Have a friend coming to help me out & hopefully a good night shall be had by ALL! =]








Another death and funeral last week. The details are shady but basically a good family friend passed away after being kept alive on machines for 4 days. His brother had been in a bad accident a few summers ago (long time readers may remember, it was the day before my birthday), and was in a coma, I remember him saying "there's worse things than being dead", so I know he wouldn't have wanted to be kept alive by machines, but I had the highest hope til they decided to pull the plug on Wednesday. Funeral was Sunday and I guess I still feel like it hasn't sunk in... I cried a little at the funeral but I just felt like it wasn't real yet... Ugh.








Anything spare time, leftover time as I've been calling it, is filled with hemp & hoops & cleaning & listening to music. I barely have time to organize my thoughts, let alone do any of the above, but I've been doing enough to keep my head above water! Hope you all are doing the same! XoXo

whirlwinds

my life is a complete whirlwind everyday.





work/clean/create/sell/death/life/newbeginnings/oldrepeats/
bestfriends/drink/smoke/sleep/wakeup/startover.





ugh.

Hello, Beautiful!

Yeahh, I had a party last Monday (yes Monday) and this all got consumed.
Along with a 2nd bottle of Jager that is residing in my freezer with a few shots left.
I didn't even have a hangover in the morning ~ shock! lol

All inspired by THIS beer cap. :)

Then Friday, I got this new tattoo.
And no, it didn't hurt.
Yes, it will fade and disappear.
It was cheap ;)

Lastly, I fixed my hair, the pink kept coming out, I dyed it 3 times in a month.
So I went with some professional dye, it's now purple & blue on one side & underneath.
Looks good :)

Got this dress from miss Deanna over at Delirious Rhapsody!
I LOVE it! It fits perfectly, also grabbed another one from her! Best $10 I've spent in awhile ;)

* * * * * * * * * *

I am a single woman again (still?!). And guess what? I am completely fine with it. He made a fool of me Thursday while I was vending and that was the last straw. I will not stand for being treated like crap by someone who claims they care about me and have been with me for 6 years... just to look like a fool. It's time for me to set out again and just be happy and if someone comes along, so be it, but if they don't, I'm good with that too.

I got an offer to vend a national act's show, at the same place I vended Thursday night. One of my favorite acts right now ~ EOTO, and I definitely jumped at the opportunity! It's later this month and I'm hoping to have a more solid inventory by then. I sold a lot of small stuff Thursday, but only one hoop. So I am going to adjust accordingly. =]

That's about all I got for today ~ hope you all are living well!
XoXo

Ooooh Fashion

Okay, so with my brain on summer 24/7, I can't do much other than shop & order custom and handmade clothing & accessories....

Some of my favorites ::

here
I've had my eyes on these for 2 summers now, but I can't bring myself to spend that much on yarn... even though they're beautifully done! So if anyone knows where to get or have some made, lemme know!

here
I love all the pendants in this shop. I would make necklaces and wear a different one every single day! :)

here
Everything she makes is GORGEOUS, but I am obsessed with these eyeball rings! I must have the green one, and it's really not that expensive for sterling & it's definitely gonna be something no one I know has!

here
You may recognize this work from one of our fellow bloggers ;)
I've bought a lot from Jamie & I always love it! This necklace is so simple, but beautiful, would match almost everything I own!

here
You won't find me in this full outfit, but I am custom ordering a pair of her shorts. I'm thinking black with lime green or pink waist band :) Only for shows & I'll be wearing fishynets underneath :) Can't wait!

here
From another beautiful blogger, I have been in love with this necklace ever since I saw a giveaway on someone else's blog. I didn't win, but I will own this soon enough!

here
The prices don't match what I would normally spend on a top/dress, but this is beautiful. It's definitely on my wishlist! A lot of her stuff is so beautiful!

here
About 10 years ago, I had a bad haircut, and fell in love with hats. Now they're a piece of my wardrobe that I can't stop buying or wearing. This one is gorgeous & a perfect mix of all my favorite colors!

here
This shop is amazing ~ I have ordered a stone pouch & some prints from them, and I love the usage of sacred geometry/mayan symbols in everything they make! This shirt is gorgeous and one of a kind ~ will soon be all mine!

So what are you all most looking forward to wearing this summer? The same old stuff, or will you be branching out into something new? For me, now that I found what I feel right in, I don't think I'll try much "new/different" trends.

XoXo